So many of my conversations with my mother had similar elements to them. The same greeting, the same exchanges, the same parting words. The last thing my mother said to me was the same thing she said at the end of almost all of our calls. "Here's your dad." This last time, she said it before she handed over the phone to head to surgery.
Because of that repetition, I can vividly create conversations with mom now. It feels like I know what she would say to me. The experience becomes more striking when I have the conversations while looking at a photo of my mom. It very much feels like we are having a conversation.
And sometimes the conversations surprise me. The other day, I was speaking with Mom, and I told her that my dad and I were having a tough time dealing with her being gone. She told me that was normal, and that we were going to have a tough time for a while, but that was normal too. She told me that we'd get through it though, because we're strong. The entire conversation was very much what my mom would have said, but I had never thought of it until I spoke to her about it.
I'm happy that her voice lives on in me. I just wish I could talk to her again.