"When you come in tomorrow, bring clothing. Long sleeve. Nothing low cut." The funeral director's instructions were simple, and I thought we'd have a tough decision about what my mom should wear.
But as Annie, my dad and I went through the closets in the house, we couldn't find an outfit that would work. The beautiful dresses my mom had were sleeveless or had shear sleeves. Most of them had a neckline that was too low. There were casual tops that worked, but nothing that was befitting of Mom's final outfit.
Looking through Mom's clothes hanging in the closet, piled on the couch and draped over chairs, was one of the hardest things during this process. These clothes were intensely personal to mom. I clearly recalled the times I would help my mom get dressed or undressed on the couch. Some of the clothes brought to mind memories of times I had spent with my mom. Above all, these were the most tangible signs of my mother's presence in the house. One of the lasting signs of her that were integral to her daily rituals.
At last we found a dress that felt right. It didn't match the criteria we'd been given, but we could add in a few other tops and it would work. Mom would look great.
As we were narrowing down the items to pair with the dress, questions began running through my head. What was Mom thinking about when she bought this dress? Did she ever consider that this might be the outfit she would be buried in? Would she be happy with the choices we were making? More than ever, I felt like we needed Mom there to help us. I wanted to talk to her about my questions. I wanted to be sure she would be happy.
At the viewing, I spoke to a family friend about our difficult in choosing the dress. To my surprise, she described how she was with my mom when she bought the dress. It was one of the dresses Mom had purchased to wear to my wedding, but she hadn't been able to find it when she was packing for the trip.
A wave of relief rushed over me. She had wanted to wear this dress for a special occasion. A day that was certain to be one of the most important in her life. But she hadn't had the opportunity to do so. Now she would unveil it so she would look her best for our last time together.